Keeping Emotions in Check

What?! Keeping your emotions in check while going through infertility issues? Is that even possible?

So this post might not provide any amazing insight or revelation on how to keep your emotions in check, but I'll do my best to figure something out. Maybe I'll teach myself one or two things :)

Yes, as many of you know, I do let my emotions take over. Sometimes too often, but I'm a crier and that's okay. Emotions might be the hardest thing to deal with throughout this process, maybe even harder than knowing we have infertility issues. Again, that's okay because who would we be without our emotions :) Chris has been a trooper dealing with my ups and downs and more to come. And it has been great to be together through this process helping each other get through it one step at a time. We're still married, and that's amazing. Having scheduled sex for almost two years now has been great for the marriage :) Who wouldn't love that, right? (I hope you are seeing the sarcasm written all over this)

I wish I had words of encouragement or the answer to keeping the marriage intact, but I don't. Chris and I are extremely stubborn, and it's been a bumpy ride. But I wouldn't change a thing. Through all the fights, tears and laughs I think it's only helped that we just lay it all out on the table. We can definitely tell when each of us are in a funk, and going through this together has helped us both better know what makes each other happy. Bring it on because after the dust has settled, we seem to get better after each fight. For all the couples out there going through this, it is okay. Fighting is okay (well don't beat anyone up of course) - arguing is healthy and I truly believe you will learn something new about each other after each struggle. Don't think it's the end because of the arguments.

I'm going to try and come up with my top three ways to get through this crap:

1. Talk, Talk, and TALK some more.

Talk to whoever will listen or even not listen. I would probably have been admitted to a psch ward if I did not talk to my friends and family about our issues. There was no way we could've kept this to ourselves. Also, by talking to others, we have learned so so so so much about infertility and to better handle our situation. Tell your friends and family how you feel. It feels much better afterwards! And double bonus is that they better understand how you are doing.

2. Internet

Okay, my husband doesn't agree with this one I'm sure, but in moderation it's great. It is possible to stop googling about every weird feeling in your stomach or crazy thing happening in your lady region. I didn't think it was, but it is. It's a phase, and I'm hear to tell you that you will make it through the crazed google everything about pregnancy on the internet. This is what helped me: Chris (having someone there to make you stop), and find one site. One site is all you need. I've talked about it before, and I love Resolve. It has so much info all in one spot and appeals to me. If you are going to google anything, it would be to find that one site. One site!!

3. Laugh

Oh my goodness - try and make every crappy thing you are going through into a joke. Seriously - get gross! Make people laugh. We have infertility issues - so, I'm not a different person because of it. Kinda feels like it, but that's okay. There has been many months where I've had more ultrasounds via the lady region with the prong stuck up my hoo hoo than I've had sex. Awesome, right?! Oh and if you are going to do ovulation tests - go ahead and spend too much money on the digital one with the smily face. It's awesome. Sometimes the highlight of the week is waiting for that smily face looking at us telling us it's time to make some whoopy!! It lightens the mood, and makes waiting for ovulation a little bit more fun.

Okay - another long post. But I hope you had fun. Remember to keep those emotions in check! NOT!!!

Love you all!

Starting Drug Treatments

Hi again,

Our story continues :)

When Chris and I decided to go to RMC, there was more testing to be done there as well. So we started the process there in about September 2008. I won't get into the testing details, but if you are interested, please feel free to send me an email. I love sharing, but I'm not sure what everyone is interested in reading.

After talking to both the doctors and nurses, Chris and I were told that In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) would be the procedure we would need to have in order to become pregnant using our own sperm and eggs. That was sad and scary, but also very good to know that there was an option. Chris and I seem to learn more and more each day about infertility - just crazy. The worst thing about IVF we learned is that it is very expensive, and of course there is a possibility it won't work. Evaluating the costs and options was very overwhelming.

Infertility health care (including IVF procedures) is usually not covered by health insurance. In fact, only 7 states have passed laws either mandating coverage or mandating the offer to cover. This is kind of confusing, but what's important to know is that Minnesota is not one of the seven states that mandate coverage. Another bummer...In fact our health insurance doesn't cover any percentage of the IVF treatment or any percentage of inferitiliy treatments beyond blood work and regular routine check ups. I'll write another chapter to our story in the future to explain ways you can help advocate better health coverage for infertility treatments.

Since IVF is out of our price range, we asked the doctor what our next step(s) should be. The doctor thought it wouldn't hurt to try some drug treatments along with artificial insemination (AI) cycles. AI is much cheaper compared to IVF costs. We were told that they would most likely be unsuccessful, but we thought it would weigh on our minds if we never tried. In January 2009, Chris and I started taking medication to do a variety of things to our bodies. Here's a little more health details: I was put on Letrozole (ovulation regulating drug to also stimulate the number of follicles produced), and Chris started taking Prednisone (steroid to weaken the immune system). Since Prednisone weakens the immune system, there may be a small chance that the sperm antibodies would also decrease. Unfortunately, Chris' antibody levels were very high, but it was still worth a try.

During the drug treatments, I visited Resolve's website. Resolve is a group that advocates for Infertility at both Federal and State legislatures and provides tremendous support to those suffering from Infertility. Please check out their website for more information: www.resolve.org. It can also help you better understand infertility. The Resolve website was great for answers, support, and various other info. In adddition, we saw that the Midwest Area for Resolve's Infertility Conference was being held in Minneapolis. Bonus!! Chris and I signed up, and best part was the prize giveaways for those that attended. Of the 6 infertility clinics in the twin cities, ours was giving away the grand prize for a free, yes I said FREE, IVF cycle. Again, BONUS!!!

The conference was at the end of January 2009, and it was superb!! Michelle Tafoya (sports reporter) was the keynote speaker, and she was fabulous and motivating while sharing her infertility story. The day was full of laughing, understanding, and crying. Very emotional. But Chris and I learned so much. Our goal was to end the day with more information and possibly a Plan a through g. We went to various seminars including: adoption, donor sperm, donor egg, IVF costs, how to deal with infertility, etc.... Overall, wonderful. We thought that the seminar on Donor sperm was fabulous, and would be great in our situation. I'll have to write more about that in updcoming blogs.

The best part of the day came at the end. At the end of the conference is when they read the raffle winners. There was about 200 people there. Well....yes, we won the FREE IVF cycle. After they read our ticket number, we gasped and started crying. We just won the baby lottery - We couldn't believe it!! It was a flood of emotion following a very emotional day as some of you know from our phone calls after the conference. My messages and calls were pretty hard to understand due to my hyperventilating cyring :) But that's my style, right??

So now the story gets even more interesting :) More blogs to come :)

Once upon a time...

Hi Everyone!! Welcome to our blog.

I've wondered for awhile if I should share our infertility story over the web, and it just took a little nudging to convince me to just jump in and start blogging. I think blogging is so intimidating, but I thought what the heck :) As my the title of the blog suggests, I'm going to try and tell our infertility story and journey, and maybe help someone else going through the same things we are. Here it goes...the story of the The Swimmer and the Egg.

Once upon a time, my husband and I learned in health class that you can get pregnant having sex. Even having sex one time can get you pregnant...As a teenager, I was convinced this could happen. When my husband and I decided we were ready to have kids, we were so excited for this one time to be awesome. Oh we were so naive, but that's okay because we were just super thrilled to start making babies. As our story goes, we didn't get pregnant having sex - not even once ;). Who would've thought - What the heck???!!!! Bummer...

After about a year of trying, we were able to meet with our doctor. We got bad news in July 2008, and discovered, in a nutshell, that the little swimmers were held back by ugly sperm antibodies, and they could not find their way to the egg. Here's a little bit of science: Chris' swimmers are surrounded by sperm antibodies preventing normal motility functions. The antibodies most likely were the result of a trauma to his"special" region. We were bummed, but also glad to have some answers.

Now, the next chapter of our story can begin. Chris and I went through many tests to make sure there wasn't any other surprises or obstacles to overcome. In addition to the test, we had to find an infertility clinic. We decided to go to Reproductive Medicine Center at the University of Minnesota. www.twincitiesbabies.com Our doctor is wonderful. He even wears bow ties everyday. I love it.

There is so much more to the story, but I don't want to give it all away at the beginning :)